The Mom Factor

This is my first post in this blog in years, and I'm mainly writing it for my mental health therapist, because this is truly what keeps me from having an active lifestyle.

So, since July 2016, I've been having issues with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and many other unpleasant symptoms.  Every so often now, my doctor checks my blood to see what my sugar levels are like, and up until July of 2016, I had been doing just fine eating my limited menu of foods and drinks that I can actually tolerate without getting violently sick.  However, every now and then, my mother sneaks in a little mental attack.  Things like "You can't just live on bread!", and then if I want to go out someplace, her little sneak attack is "It's too much [windy, cold, warm, pollen in the air, etc]!" or it's something wrong with my truck that she drives primarily, because she is so afraid of other drivers FOR ME!  

It's been these kinds of little sneak attacks by my mother, which I understand she does out of concern, but more and more lately I feel like it's keeping me mentally hostage.  I can't eat [this or that], because of problem A or B that occurs, and then problem C comes around and just fucks up the whole process of me trying to keep a healthy appetite.  Right now, my appetite is so ungodly low that I am afraid I'm not getting the nutrition that I was once getting through the foods I did eat.  

I'm now at the point where just about everything, even my "safe foods" that I know I can tolerate are no longer tolerable.  And I fully believe that my mother's little "sneak attacks" have to do with it.  If I go to eat one thing, she is all over my case about it, but if I eat something else, she claims it's just as bad.

I know that soda pop is my biggest downfall.  I know that.  But I have been trying to get in fruit juices like apple juice, grape cranberry juice, and even tried keeping up with my gatorade, although all of that gets expensive at some point.  So, I feel like a prisoner of my own body that can't tolerate fruits or vegetables (except maybe a potato, and that's only on rare occasion), and the last time I had any fruit, which was a banana, I got an allergic reaction almost right away.  My throat closed up, and I was having difficulty breathing, and my primary doctor at the time confirmed it was a true blue allergic reaction.  So, my only fruit that I loved the taste of was no longer an option.

I'm frustrated about having these problems, and especially being told I now have type 2 diabetes, and possible non-alcoholic liver disease or non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis.  Which is weird now, because I can barely eat.  I will sometimes go a full day without eating, because nothing sounds good, not even my safe foods, and I am afraid of mom's little sneak attacks like "You can't just live on [whatever I eat]!"  I ended up with having emergency gallbladder removal surgery on Thanksgiving day (11/24/2016), and I'm told I may have what's known as "Non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis", or NAFLD (Non-alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease).  And all of this came about after my first set of symptoms erupted in late July of 2016.

I live in fear of what I can and cannot eat, and what might end up being the death of me.  And mom certainly doesn't make it any better with her little "sneak attacks" when she knows that I have aversions to certain foods for a reason.  I don't eat beans, I don't eat eat rice, I barely eat any meats like steak or a hamburger, I do okay with certain lunch meats, but most of my edible items remain with pizza, some cheese not including blue or cottage cheeses, and I don't do pepperjack... at all!  I have once tried eggs by themselves, and I got sick with them, but for whatever reason when they're mixed in with something I like, I can tolerate them.

All I want to do is 1) get better, 2) have a more healthy lifestyle through a modified diet and exercise, and primarily more exercise, and 3) not have mom sneak in her little mental attacks about what I can and cannot eat when she knows I cannot tolerate certain foods at all.  I wish I could, but every time I've truly tried, I have gotten violently sick, and I'm tired of playing her little game of "What can Jeff eat? And what SHOULD he eat versus what he can tolerate?"

Picky eating (first post)

Until now, I've been very hush hush about my picky eating habits, but thanks to a website (www.pickyeatingadults.com) which was featured on a show on the Food Network, I've been able to feel more open about my choices with food, even if it is looked down upon.  This is something I did not choose, and I have many reasons for being apprehensive with food.  I'll get to those later down the road, but for now, I'll just go into some basic details.

For starters, I'm 30 years old, and I've lived in many different places starting with southern California in the Orange County area, to Las Vegas, NV, to Colorado Springs and Denver, CO, to Freeport, IL, and to Springfield, MO.  Though for this blog, all you need to know is that I live near Denver, CO.  That is neither important nor necessary for detail in this discussion.

Though I don't know exactly when it started, or if it is something I was born with, I do know that there are foods that I simply won't eat.  Some foods I had forced down my throat as a child, which later I developed a taste for, but others I did not.  For the most part I eat foods that are plain, have a simple texture, and are not overwhelming with the taste or smell.  Unfortunately, most vegetables are a definite NO in my book, and up until recently, I've only managed to consume ONE fruit.  Sadly, that is no longer the case since I cannot eat that fruit any longer.

The social anxiety over what to eat has long been a problem for me, and for my family.  When going out to eat, the question was not where to eat, but "what can Jeff eat" at certain restaurants.  Social functions at work are always a nightmare.  I'm always having to come up with excuses like "I'm not hungry" or "I just ate", or I'll flat out just starve myself until I can be home and make something that I know I can handle.  On rare occasions, I'll bring a snack with me for that "just in case" scenario.

Even lunch times at school during my childhood were a nightmare.  The smells sent me zinging, wanting to just go outside and play and skip lunch altogether.  Eventually, I grew to ignore the sense of smell, but in some cases just the smell of certain food alone causes me to gag badly, almost to the point of vomiting.  And don't get me started on Thanksgiving, that's the worst time for ANY picky eater, adult or child.

We'll get into detail later on these topics, and more.  You'll notice that on the right side there are some links to articles posted about Picky Eating adults.  Some good, some bad, and some have comments that make any adult feel guilty over the way they eat, regardless if there is an issue with food or not.  My mother and I have talked about this, and it's amazing that some people still have the mindset of "Just eat it", even though there could be issues that they may not recognize, and that's what www.pickyeatingadults.com is aimed to raise awareness of.  Some of us have issues with taste, others have smell issues, and some just can't stand the look of certain food.  We all have one thing in common, some foods just do not belong in our mouths period!  To do so would cause agony beyond belief, and in some cases, cause our bodies to reject it through means we do not care to describe.

For now, I'll include in my blogs a record of what I have eaten so far for that day.  It may not be all-inclusive since some of the blogs might be written before I even eat, or may be written only after lunch.  But I will do my best to include what I've had to eat that day, or what I plan to eat.  My hope is that through my experiences, my stories, and my eating habits, someone might be inspired to join our group, and be counted among the many who suffer this affliction through no fault of their own.

Menu for Today 7/28/10

Lunch
Grilled Ham and Cheese sandwich w/ "Lightly Salted" Lays potato chips

Dinner has not been planned yet, though I am leaning toward a plate of plain cheese and chips nachos!