This is my first post in this blog in years, and I'm mainly writing it for my mental health therapist, because this is truly what keeps me from having an active lifestyle.
So, since July 2016, I've been having issues with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and many other unpleasant symptoms. Every so often now, my doctor checks my blood to see what my sugar levels are like, and up until July of 2016, I had been doing just fine eating my limited menu of foods and drinks that I can actually tolerate without getting violently sick. However, every now and then, my mother sneaks in a little mental attack. Things like "You can't just live on bread!", and then if I want to go out someplace, her little sneak attack is "It's too much [windy, cold, warm, pollen in the air, etc]!" or it's something wrong with my truck that she drives primarily, because she is so afraid of other drivers FOR ME!
It's been these kinds of little sneak attacks by my mother, which I understand she does out of concern, but more and more lately I feel like it's keeping me mentally hostage. I can't eat [this or that], because of problem A or B that occurs, and then problem C comes around and just fucks up the whole process of me trying to keep a healthy appetite. Right now, my appetite is so ungodly low that I am afraid I'm not getting the nutrition that I was once getting through the foods I did eat.
I'm now at the point where just about everything, even my "safe foods" that I know I can tolerate are no longer tolerable. And I fully believe that my mother's little "sneak attacks" have to do with it. If I go to eat one thing, she is all over my case about it, but if I eat something else, she claims it's just as bad.
I know that soda pop is my biggest downfall. I know that. But I have been trying to get in fruit juices like apple juice, grape cranberry juice, and even tried keeping up with my gatorade, although all of that gets expensive at some point. So, I feel like a prisoner of my own body that can't tolerate fruits or vegetables (except maybe a potato, and that's only on rare occasion), and the last time I had any fruit, which was a banana, I got an allergic reaction almost right away. My throat closed up, and I was having difficulty breathing, and my primary doctor at the time confirmed it was a true blue allergic reaction. So, my only fruit that I loved the taste of was no longer an option.
I'm frustrated about having these problems, and especially being told I now have type 2 diabetes, and possible non-alcoholic liver disease or non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis. Which is weird now, because I can barely eat. I will sometimes go a full day without eating, because nothing sounds good, not even my safe foods, and I am afraid of mom's little sneak attacks like "You can't just live on [whatever I eat]!" I ended up with having emergency gallbladder removal surgery on Thanksgiving day (11/24/2016), and I'm told I may have what's known as "Non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis", or NAFLD (Non-alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease). And all of this came about after my first set of symptoms erupted in late July of 2016.
I live in fear of what I can and cannot eat, and what might end up being the death of me. And mom certainly doesn't make it any better with her little "sneak attacks" when she knows that I have aversions to certain foods for a reason. I don't eat beans, I don't eat eat rice, I barely eat any meats like steak or a hamburger, I do okay with certain lunch meats, but most of my edible items remain with pizza, some cheese not including blue or cottage cheeses, and I don't do pepperjack... at all! I have once tried eggs by themselves, and I got sick with them, but for whatever reason when they're mixed in with something I like, I can tolerate them.
All I want to do is 1) get better, 2) have a more healthy lifestyle through a modified diet and exercise, and primarily more exercise, and 3) not have mom sneak in her little mental attacks about what I can and cannot eat when she knows I cannot tolerate certain foods at all. I wish I could, but every time I've truly tried, I have gotten violently sick, and I'm tired of playing her little game of "What can Jeff eat? And what SHOULD he eat versus what he can tolerate?"
