The Mom Factor

This is my first post in this blog in years, and I'm mainly writing it for my mental health therapist, because this is truly what keeps me from having an active lifestyle.

So, since July 2016, I've been having issues with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, and many other unpleasant symptoms.  Every so often now, my doctor checks my blood to see what my sugar levels are like, and up until July of 2016, I had been doing just fine eating my limited menu of foods and drinks that I can actually tolerate without getting violently sick.  However, every now and then, my mother sneaks in a little mental attack.  Things like "You can't just live on bread!", and then if I want to go out someplace, her little sneak attack is "It's too much [windy, cold, warm, pollen in the air, etc]!" or it's something wrong with my truck that she drives primarily, because she is so afraid of other drivers FOR ME!  

It's been these kinds of little sneak attacks by my mother, which I understand she does out of concern, but more and more lately I feel like it's keeping me mentally hostage.  I can't eat [this or that], because of problem A or B that occurs, and then problem C comes around and just fucks up the whole process of me trying to keep a healthy appetite.  Right now, my appetite is so ungodly low that I am afraid I'm not getting the nutrition that I was once getting through the foods I did eat.  

I'm now at the point where just about everything, even my "safe foods" that I know I can tolerate are no longer tolerable.  And I fully believe that my mother's little "sneak attacks" have to do with it.  If I go to eat one thing, she is all over my case about it, but if I eat something else, she claims it's just as bad.

I know that soda pop is my biggest downfall.  I know that.  But I have been trying to get in fruit juices like apple juice, grape cranberry juice, and even tried keeping up with my gatorade, although all of that gets expensive at some point.  So, I feel like a prisoner of my own body that can't tolerate fruits or vegetables (except maybe a potato, and that's only on rare occasion), and the last time I had any fruit, which was a banana, I got an allergic reaction almost right away.  My throat closed up, and I was having difficulty breathing, and my primary doctor at the time confirmed it was a true blue allergic reaction.  So, my only fruit that I loved the taste of was no longer an option.

I'm frustrated about having these problems, and especially being told I now have type 2 diabetes, and possible non-alcoholic liver disease or non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis.  Which is weird now, because I can barely eat.  I will sometimes go a full day without eating, because nothing sounds good, not even my safe foods, and I am afraid of mom's little sneak attacks like "You can't just live on [whatever I eat]!"  I ended up with having emergency gallbladder removal surgery on Thanksgiving day (11/24/2016), and I'm told I may have what's known as "Non-alcoholic liver cirrhosis", or NAFLD (Non-alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease).  And all of this came about after my first set of symptoms erupted in late July of 2016.

I live in fear of what I can and cannot eat, and what might end up being the death of me.  And mom certainly doesn't make it any better with her little "sneak attacks" when she knows that I have aversions to certain foods for a reason.  I don't eat beans, I don't eat eat rice, I barely eat any meats like steak or a hamburger, I do okay with certain lunch meats, but most of my edible items remain with pizza, some cheese not including blue or cottage cheeses, and I don't do pepperjack... at all!  I have once tried eggs by themselves, and I got sick with them, but for whatever reason when they're mixed in with something I like, I can tolerate them.

All I want to do is 1) get better, 2) have a more healthy lifestyle through a modified diet and exercise, and primarily more exercise, and 3) not have mom sneak in her little mental attacks about what I can and cannot eat when she knows I cannot tolerate certain foods at all.  I wish I could, but every time I've truly tried, I have gotten violently sick, and I'm tired of playing her little game of "What can Jeff eat? And what SHOULD he eat versus what he can tolerate?"

Weight loss challenges!

So I was on a forum for weight loss (I won't mention where) and I was summarily criticized for the following:

1) Not eating leafy green rabbit food
2) drinking WAY TOO MUCH soda (2 cans a day at best nowadays)
3) Drinking (even though I explicitly said I don't drink often)
4) Eating any sweets of any kind (which really I don't, not anymore)

WTF is wrong with people?  They're making assumptions that aren't true, and what's worse is when I say I can't eat certain foods, they assume I haven't tried.  Let me tell ya something.

I HAVE TRIED!!

I've tried so many times in my life, and have gotten the same result that after a time, I no longer wanted to try knowing the result all too well.  So what makes people assume certain ideas that aren't even verified?

First off, I once was drinking 24 cans of soda a day.  This can be vouched for by one of my friends for certain.  I'm now down to 2 a day, and sometimes I don't even have that much.  I'm starting to drink gatorade and incorporating water into my diet.

Second, some folks assume that I drink regularly.  I don't.  I drink maybe once every few months, but sometime several months can go by and I don't drink beer at all.  Nor do I drink wine, spirits, liquor etc.  Because I take medication, I can't drink anyway.

Lastly, the sweets.  I rarely eat sweets anymore because I don't have any teeth to eat sweets with.

I'm done going to sites about weight loss, because some people just totally suck when it comes to taking my circumstances into consideration.  At least my effing doctor listens and understands.

food preferences

So tonight I'm having my favorite snack.  Two slices of Black Forest Ham (Prima Della brand), a few slices of Sharp Cheddar cheese (Kraft brand block), and saltine crackers (generic King Soopers store brand) along with some Hormel Pepperoni.  I love pepperoni, hot or cold.  Preferably cold.

The thing is I got to thinkin' tonight about my preferences in food.  Do they really affect me as much as everyone says it does?  Weight-wise, I'd have to say yes, but medically speaking, other than the multitude of other medical concerns I have, I'd say I'm pretty healthy.  My blood pressure is relatively low compared to a few years ago (whether that's from medications and vitamin supplements is debatable), and other than some arthritic pain, I think I'm in pretty good shape.

But what really got me was how the other day I was in a Burger King getting their double cheeseburger PLAIN with cheese only (as I've liked it since childhood), and although the customer behind me found that to be quite odd, and even got a little annoyed with my order (I don't know why it would bother him, but he even said aloud "Just order your [bleeping] food and get on with it.  Other people are hungry!"), I proceeded to ignore him and his tone and got on with the rest of my order.

The funniest thing happened afterward.  When he stepped up to put in his order, he mentioned he wanted to have a whopper with (and I quote) "I want it with no pickles, no onions, and no cheese please!".   So this prompted a conversation with mom about people and their food preferences.  For many years I was the subject of ridicule among even my own family about what I ate, didn't eat, and how it would affect me later in life.  The truth is my food preferences are limited, but not by choice.  If I eat the foods I gag at (whether by sight or smell or taste), I get really bad stomach aches.  The kind that feel as though my stomach is being ripped apart.

Anyway, this got mom and I talking about people having preferences on food, and similarly are picky about it.  For example, my cousin's husband doesn't like mexican food.  When asked why, he would refuse to give a direct answer, only that he doesn't like Mexican food.  Even I have some taste to Mexican food, particularly a plain cheese quesadilla or a plate of nachos with just the chips and the cheese.

Bottom line, when mom and I thought about it, we decided that everyone to a degree was a picky eater whether because of medical issues or by diet, or simply by their own choice of preference.  My own late father, he HATED tuna patties, but loved eating pretty much anything else whereas I LOVE tuna patties, but HATE the smell of tuna.  And you know how sometimes you can kind of taste what you smell, let's just say I hate the taste of tuna, but love it in a tuna patty.  Why?  Who knows!  I just know that it's a fact.  My stomach can tolerate tuna in a Tuna Patty form.

My younger cousins don't like pizza, but they'll eat beans, and I hate even the sight of beans.  Beans to me look like something that would come from a remote alien world from Star Wars or Star Trek, and I wouldn't touch beans with a 10ft fork.

Though it begs the question, is everyone to some degree a picky eater?  I would say yes.  Some love veggies and fruits like nobody's business, but hate meat, cheese and other dairy items like eggs or butter.  Others love potato chips but hate potatoes (gladly I'm not one of them).  I think at some point, people develop food preferences based on what they like, or what affects them either positively or negatively.  Upon further discussion, my mother and I reached the conclusion that although we knew of very few things my dad would NOT eat, he would pretty much eat anything you put in front of him because in his generation (among 6 siblings), you ate what you were given, period.  It was only toward the end of his life that he started to realize that everybody has got a food preference of some kind whether it be that they didn't like onions, tomatoes, pickles, lettuce, etc.

So I guess the point I'm trying to make here is that while everyone can judge others for what they do or do not eat, they might have preferences themselves.  The next time someone says "Oh you don't eat [THAT!]?  Why not?"  Ask them if there's anything they aren't willing to eat.  I'll bet that their answer will surprise even themselves.  Or observe them quietly, and when they order something special, i.e. no pickles or onions, ask them why not?  Ask them why they don't want pickles or onions on their meal.  I'll bet they come up with "Well, I just don't like it!" or "I just can't eat it!"

Are there people out there who have food preferences based on medical conditions?  Of course.  There's no one in this world that would deny that.  It would be like asking a diabetic why they can't eat sugary deserts, or why some folks go gluten free because of an intolerance to foods that contain gluten.  What I'm saying here is that there are people in this world who have specific food preferences that are not medically based, but they still wouldn't eat a particular food for any reason, even if they were offered a large sum of money.

Simplicity

I've noticed something about myself since I began my journey into being (somewhat) active on the group for picky eaters.  I've noticed how most of us like simple foods, or in other words, foods that don't involve a lot of "extras" that people enjoy like sauces, condiments, or seasonings.  Granted, the only seasoning I do is on my favorite type of steak.... RIB EYE!!  :)  But still, I find myself frequently going back to foods that are simple for me to eat.  Recently, I've had to resort to some childhood favorites since I had my lower teeth removed (they were getting pretty awful), and I still have more to be removed later this month, so .... it'll be back to eating foods that are soft.  One problem I do have is eating soups.  I know that they are a much healthier option, but just the smell alone keeps me far, far away!!  (Not to pun one of my favorite movies)

I'd like for someday to be able to stomach down a soup, but until then I won't go near one with a 10ft fork!

Todays' menu:

Breakfast - Carnation Instant Breakfast w/ milk (gotta get my vitamins and minerals somehow, right?)
Lunch - Tortilla and cheese quesadilla (no extras, please)
Dinner - Haven't really decided yet, but it'll probably be oatmeal or pancakes!  Breakfast for dinner is always a good time!

Just a menu post

Really nothing to mention in this blog.  Just going to post what I had today, that's all.  Have a great weekend!

Lunch - McD's McDouble cheeseburger (plain)
Dinner - BK double cheese burger (plain)

As always, swigged down with a Dr. Pepper!!

:-D

Subway Restaurants

This afternoon I went to the mall with my mom so she can look at the puppies in the pet store.  She always loves to go pet them, and hold them, and that always makes her feel good.  Afterward, we headed to the food court, and after long thought, I made a decision on eating at Subway.  I've been eating Subway's subs since I first started back in Costa Mesa, CA almost 20 years ago.  But, I always get a little apprehensive, and even a little anxiety when I go up to their counter when people are in front of me.  I know this sounds strange, but whenever the staff is helping other people with their orders, I always watch them with the knives they use to cut the sandwiches in half.  Call me crazy, but whenever I see them NOT clean the knife, I walk away from the counter and go some place else.  I've already had the unfortunate instance where the knife they use WASN'T cleaned (or at least wiped clean with a napkin), and I ended up with a sandwich that had icky stuff on it (juice from the tomatoes, or the liquid stuff like mustard, mayonnaise, dressing, etc.  I always had to somehow go AROUND those spots if the knife wasn't cleaned.

But luckily, this visit was a pleasant one as I watched carefully how they cleaned the knife, then I was comfortable to make my order.  Who knew that such a little thing can cause so much anxiety?  Go figure!

Today's Menu!

Lunch - Subway ham and american cheese (plain) on Parmesan Oregano bread!  w/ Dr. Pepper  (Yummy!)

Dinner - Pizza Night on Fridays, so it was a pepperoni pizza w/ extra cheese!  (Tombstone Frozen Pizzas are DA BOMB if done right)

Once again, no breakfast, and no snacks for today.

An update

Just a quick update.  Instead of Tuna Patties (which I love), we ended up at BK for a Buck Double meal!  :)  I think restaurants are getting much better at providing their food PLAIN!  I only had to say it twice, but the message was understood, and my burger came EXACTLY as I like it, bun meat and cheese!

Tomorrow night is my pizza night, so that won't be an issue at all.